


Vacation From Ourselves

by jenjen92



Series: We might need to work for this, but we will be okay. [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-15
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-09 09:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4344014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenjen92/pseuds/jenjen92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A relationship with Tony Stark is never straightforward or easy as Steve discovered the hard way. Despite how much he cared for the man they were never on the same page. What should have been a simple discussion regarding talks of a vacation quickly spirals out of hand. Will Tony be able to stop and listen for long enough to devote the same attention to Steve and his problems as he did for him, or will it just be another disaster? </p><p>Can be read as a stand alone piece.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It was not supposed to happen this way

“What do you think about England?”

Steve looked up from the sketch he was doing lightly in his sketch pad from the sofa and glanced at Tony who was sat on the other side of the room.

“In general?”

“For our vacation.” A rare smile played on Tony’s lips as with a flick of his finger on his tablet images of London and the Lake District virtually surrounded the room, rotating slowly.

“Too far.” Steve said immediately without a second glance at the images, returning to his sketch.

“Yeah you’re right; it’s not really our thing.” Tony said lightly removing the images. “So how about France? Yes Paris! You would just _love_ Paris. You would want to make love to ‘The Louvre’. Or make love to me _in_ ‘The Louvre’. Either is fine. Or we could do Rome? I can picture you on a moped already.”

Steve finally put down his sketch groaning, doing his best to resist throwing his pencil at Tony. He was a very good aim.

“Tony, how many times do I need to tell you that all these exotic locations you keep suggesting are much too far away?” He said with a roll of his eyes.

“I wouldn’t exactly describe England as exotic,” Tony retorted gaining another groan from the other male, “And baby, your ‘fella’ is a billionaire. ‘Far’ is not a problem.”

“Well it is for me.”

“Yeah, this is what I don’t quite understand.” Tony said lowly, narrowing his eyes, “We both take a long overdue week’s leave from our jobs, avenging and charitable activities at the same time so we can have a much needed vacation together, our first let me add, and you are refusing to go anywhere.”

“I’m not refusing to go anywhere at all; I just don’t see why it needs to be out of the country,” Steve said frowning, “why can’t we just spend our time relaxing in the state? See a movie, visit the park. Go for a day trip to the beach or something if you want sand so much.”

“See a movie? This is our one and only chance at a holiday, Steve!”

“Stop being so dramatic.”

“I have done something, haven’t I?” Tony said bitterly, hands beginning to shake slightly “something to make you not want to go away with me.”

“Why does it always have to be about you, Tony?” Steve said sharply, and then sighed deeply changing his tone. “Not everything in life has you as the source of it. We have been working on this.”

“Then tell me what it is and we can talk about it and fix it.”

“Not when you are being like this.”

“Like what, Captain-too-good-for-anyone?” Tony spat, throwing his tablet onto the ground where it hit with a thud.

“Unreasonable.” Steve said quietly.

Tony opened his mouth as though he was going to speak but quickly closed it again, shaking his head.

“When you want to talk I will be in the shop.” He said, walking across the lounge and leaving.

∞

Steve always felt out of place staying in the penthouse after he and Tony had argued as it was the billionaire’s personal space. Although he had slowly started moving some of his belongings into the bedroom he shared with Tony, and he has been assured on many occasions that he was always welcome there, he still maintained his own suite in what was dubbed ‘Avengers floor’. Steve headed there after every argument or if he just needed a break from the constant whirlwind which was his boyfriend. After placing the sketch he was drawing of Tony on his bed he walked into the shared kitchen area for a glass of water.

As he walked into the kitchen Natasha looked up from where she was sat at a counter reading a book and watched him move across the room, eyebrows raised.

“What happened this time?” she asked casually, and Steve let out a strange laugh.

“We did not see eye to eye on a matter again.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and gestured to the counter seat next to her where Steve proceeded to sit, glass of water in hand.

“Talk.”

Steve explained their argument while Natasha listened intently, a frown fixed on her face when he had finished.

“I never thought I would be on Stark’s side in one of your fights, but why don’t you want to go on vacation with him?” she asked, “It really is a rare opportunity and it is something he really needs. _Is_ it something he has done, because you two really go through your moments.”

“It’s not Tony,” Steve said shaking his head, “It’s stupid but I just can’t relax.”

“Explain.” Natasha’s voice was firm but her features softened.

“Ever since I woke up in this era I have been thrown into protecting a world I don’t even know anymore,” Steve said staring at his water, “it has been all go without a substantial time to rest, especially when I am with Tony. I don’t know what it is but…like I don’t want to go too far from New York just as Steve Rogers. I’m frightened to or don’t know how to.”

“So in short you can’t stop being Captain America.” Natasha summarised and Steve nodded.

“I can’t go too far from headquarters. What if something happened that needed Captain America and I was off lying on a beach somewhere? I can’t take the risk.”

“We would call you back immediately if we needed you.”

“It could be too late by then.”

“When Banner and I took a week’s vacation a month ago to explore the Baltic States the world did not end.” Natasha said pursing her lips and Steve remained silent. “And besides, if a threat came up Clint and I can handle it. No problem.”

“What if the threat was bigger than the two of you could handle?” Steve sighed and Natasha’s eyebrows raised and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“What are you insinuating? Who do you think was protecting national security while you were in the ice?”

“I didn’t mean to be offensive Nat,” Steve said apologetically, holding his hands in front of him in defence, “but with myself _and_ Tony gone-“

“Whoa, stop right there.” Natasha interrupted, thumping Steve half playfully on the back, “I am not being compared to Stark.”

“Sorry.” Steve said, finally breaking a smile and Natasha nodded appreciatively.

“You need to talk to him about how you feel.” She said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice and Steve frowned.

“He wouldn’t understand.”

“You need to try.”

“Tony’s reactions to everything are unpredictable.  He can act like a spoilt child and turns everything back onto himself.” Steve tried to explain, “And he has been dealing with enough to add my personal problems to the pile.”

“Bullshit.” Natasha said immediately making Steve flinch. He let you in. Eventually. Stark trusts you to have an honest, open relationship. If he finds out you are hiding your problems from him then it will be game over. Trust broken and he will close up again and you will be back to square one. ”

“But-“

“There is no but, Steve.” Natasha said firmly, placing her finger briefly on Steve’s mouth, “A relationship needs to work both ways. You support Stark and he supports you. I am not here to judge your questionable relationship with Tony Stark, you insist that there are good times and I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. But if it is one sided with support and care then that is not healthy at all, and you know it. Go talk to him. I think your personal problems run deeper than even you think.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked, still eyeing Natasha sceptically, sipping on his water.

“Damn it Steve I am not your marriage counsellor. Go talk to him!”

“We aren’t married.” Steve said finally cracking a smile. He downed the rest of his water in one gulp before slamming the glass on the table and standing up.

“Thank god for that. I couldn’t deal with the arguments if divorce threats were being thrown around the place like your shield.” Natasha half smiled as Steve gave her a thumbs up as he left the room.

∞

Recently Steve had stopped knocking on the door of Tony’s workshop and simply entered. He was usually pleased to see the super-soldier, hurrying him over to see the latest tech he was working on or greeted Steve with a hard, deep kiss. But after argument visits were different. Although Tony had undoubtedly been improving in coping with his negative emotions, slips still happened more regularly than Steve would have hoped and during a time like this he could not swallow a fear about what he might find. After standing in front of the workshop door for too long, Steve finally stretched his shoulders to ease the tension and pushed the door wide open. To his relief, Tony was not alone. The billionaire was standing next to Bruce, both working on a project with goggles firmly over their eyes. Tony looked up as heard Steve enter the room and removed his goggles, raising one eyebrow.

“Come to apologise?” he asked testily and Steve swallowed.

“I still think you are overreacting.”

Bruce hastily removed his goggles as Tony and Steve stared daggers into each other, gathering up his belongs clumsily into his arms.

“Um, I will see you later Tony, Steve.” He said quickly as he rushed out of the room, closing the door with a quiet thud behind him.

The pair stared at each other in silence for a while until a beep from the other side of the lab shook them from their gaze. Tony turned away from Steve immediately and walked towards the noise. Steve followed, catching up to Tony with his larger strides and took his left arm in his hands and span him around to face him.

“I don’t want us to argue.” He said simply, tracing gentle lines up and down the billionaire’s arms. As Tony didn’t reply Steve pulled him close into his arms, holding him close as he stroked his dark hair to the rhythm of his heartbeat and kissed his cheek. “Let’s make up sweetie, okay?”

“If you go to Thailand with me.”

Steve sighed and let go of Tony, taking a step back from him.

“Tony, we need to talk.”

The moment the words left his mouth Steve knew it was the wrong thing to say. Tony’s eyes widened slightly before his poker face returned.

“You’re breaking up with me aren’t you?” He stated flatly, his body movements starting to become erratic.

“No, no!” Steve said, trying to reassure him, “I mean that I have something I need to talk to you about.”

However by this point it was clear to Steve that Tony was no longer listening. He was pacing the room in an effort to keep calm, pressing his hand to the place in his chest where the arc reactor used to be.

“I knew this would happen,” he said to the air, “it was going to sooner or later.”

“Tony, listen.” Steve said grabbing his hands and holding them firmly, trying to stare into his boyfriend’s eyes but his pupils were not focussed and his gaze moved constantly, “I am not breaking up with you. I need to tell you something about me. Something I want you to know.”

“First Pepper and now you. I really am shit at this relationship stuff.”

“Sweetie, honey no you’re not listening. Calm down for me, okay?”

“Why did I even try?” Tony said with a strange laugh, “What did I get out of it? I am Tony Stark for god’s sake, I don’t even _need_ a steady relationship. I can get anyone in my bed with a click of a finger. I don’t care about this.”

With those words something snapped inside Steve. He knew that Tony did not mean what he was saying. He knew that he cared deeply for him and would do anything to protect him. He knew all of that and more, but his thoughts were unable to combine and his mind only flashed red.

“If that is how you feel then fine.” Steve yelled, wanting to stop what he was saying but could not find the power to, “I was willing to look past your selfishness, your flaws, your endless list of issues and complexes. If you think I gave you nothing then that is what you can have. Nothing more of me.”

Steve did not stop to see the expression on Tony’s face as he stormed out of the door, slamming it behind him with enough force to unhinge it. The broken figure of Tony Stark was always too much for him to take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and if you liked it please let me know!   
> This was supposed to be a really short piece but my ideas developed as I was writing it so the concept transformed itself.   
> The other half should be up within a week. :)


	2. Compromises can work

The bedside table did not stand a chance after Steve’s fist collided with the wooden frame. He swore loudly as it changed to splinters which littered the otherwise immaculate floor. Anger that welled up listening to Tony talk had vanished to be replaced with anger towards himself. _Why_ did he say that to Tony? Steve had no intention to end their dysfunctional relationship, especially not based on some empty rambling from Tony which even an outsider could see was a lie. Fists shaking and in danger of meeting another piece of furniture, a voice coming from the doorframe broke Steve from his trance.

“Remind me to never get on your bad side.”

Natasha walked over to Steve, lowering his fists and raised an eyebrow at the broken bedside table.

“I told him we were over, Nat.” Steve laughed weakly, “He started talking about how he didn’t need me and I just went with it. I got angry and left him.”

A sharp slap caught Steve off guard as a sudden burning sensation filled his left cheek. Natasha’s gaze was so intense that he wondered if this was what it was like to face the ‘Black Widow’ as his enemy.

“Coward.”  She said sternly, “you ran away. Stark got a bit difficult, yeah, you knew that would happen. You told me yourself. And you just fled. Any reason to not have to talk about yourself.”

“That’s not it, Tony said-“

“I don’t care what he said.” Natasha snapped, “He has said lots of things to you in the past. You just gave up too easily, relieved that you did not actually have to talk about your own feelings with him after all.”

“I am not frightened to talk about my feelings to Tony, I trust him.” Steve said immediately, squaring up to Natasha as her face remained unflinching under his gaze.

“So, tell me.” She said testily, crossing her arms across her body, “Have you ever spoken with Tony about yourself? Told him your fears, worries or let him know when you were feeling down?”

“It’s not as easy as that…” Steve started lowly but trailed off as he could read the expression in Natasha’s eyes.

“That is a no, then.”

“Tony does not cope well with things like that. He does not know how to handle his own feelings let alone someone else’s.”

“How would you know? You have never tried.”

“I tried today.” Steve said plainly and Natasha rolled her eyes.

“That does not count as an attempt. Like I said, you are running away from opening up to him even though you expect him to be open with you. It won’t be long until Stark works out you never talk to him either, and I can’t predict how he might feel about that. But I am sure it won’t be pretty.”

Steve flopped onto his bed with a huge sigh, lying down on the sheets and staring at the ceiling. He was unable to look any longer at his friend and teammate or the current state of his bedroom which he had trashed.

“What should I do?” he asked, his voice coming out in a tone higher then he intended. Steve almost caught a small smile on Natasha’s face as she perched on the corner of his bed, whacking his leg lightly.

“I think you know the answer to that,” she said surprisingly gently, “you don’t need to take orders from me, Captain.”

“Tony will be…I am not sure how he will be.”

“And you are scared of seeing him, believing that whatever condition you find him in will be your fault.” Natasha stated and Steve could not mask his look of surprise at her words. “I know you better than you think I do. Just remember you are not to blame. At all. Apologise to him for what you said, I know he provoked you but let it pass this time. Then just adjust the way you talk to him, so there can be no confusion in what you mean. Find a way that works for both of you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to be my relationship counsellor?” Steve joked, finally managing to stretch the corners of his mouth into a smile.

“Definitely.” Natasha replied instantly, standing up and brushing off her clothes, “I know nothing about love.”

“Me neither,” Steve admitted as she stepped out of his room, “I don’t know if what I am feeling is it.”

When Natasha left the room closing the door behind her, Steve could not muster any energy into his body to move. Closing his eyes, he tried to picture how he could apologise to Tony. _Would he even accept it?_ From spending copious amounts of time with the billionaire Steve’s short fuse had lengthened slightly, but it still did not take much for it to break and apologising afterwards was still hard for him to do. Especially when he did not believe it was his place to apologise in the first place. Standing up with a stretch, Steve quickly shed his clothes before crawling into his bedsheets and wrapping himself up securely in them. They didn’t smell like Tony. Turning off the light, Steve closed his eyes praying that in the morning the argument would have blown over he could have him in his arms again.

∞

“Captain Rogers? Captain Rogers?”

The distinctive voice of J.A.R.V.I.S slowly entered Steve’s mind as he woke up from his dreamless sleep. Still feeling groggy he checked the time on his watch. 2:53 am. Steve sat up in his bed with a groan.

“Yes, J.A.R.V.I.S?” He asked weakly, holding back a yawn.

“Captain Rogers, because you are still programmed in my system as the emergency contact for sir if I feel it is necessary for-“

“Emergency contact?” Steve asked, jumping out of his bed suddenly wide awake and pulling on a pair of sweatpants, “has something happened to Tony? Is he okay?”

“Sir is currently unconscious in an intoxicated state on the floor of the penthouse.” J.A.R.V.I.S spoke, “I am concerned for his wellbeing.”

“On my way.” Steve said quickly, breaking into a run towards the penthouse.

∞

Entering the penthouse from the lift the smell of vomit hit Steve’s senses. Wrinkling his nose he made a mental note to clean it up later after seeing to Tony. The man in question was not hard to find. Tony was slumped against the bottom of the sofa, head lopsided in a manner which made Steve worry that he could choke. Shards of a smashed bottle of whiskey was scattered close to where he lay, one which must have cut him as it broke as a thin slash ran down the billionaire’s arm which was coated in dry blood.

“Idiot.” Steve muttered as he walked slowly over to Tony, and lifted him up into his arms as though he was a sick puppy. It was times like this that he was thankful for his super strength as Tony was not exactly light, as he carried him to the bathroom and set him down on his lap. He silently cleaned the blood from his wound and wiped around his mouth which was sticky with what was probably alcohol and vomit. When Steve decided Tony was sufficiently clean he carried him to the bedroom. He quickly stripped his boyfriend of his soiled clothes down to his boxer shorts before tucking him in between the sheets of his bed.

Tony’s chest rose and fell rhythmically as he breathed. The scar where the arc reactor used to be reminded Steve of the fragility of the man’s life, and he could not help feel a surge of relief that he was still breathing. Despite a section of his mind telling Steve that he needs to go, that he cannot sit and watch Tony sleep after they had just argued, the super soldier found himself unable to move away. He had never actually seen Tony sleeping before, not like this, and the fact that the man whose life was set to two hundred miles per hour really could just stop was entrancing.

“I wish you could stop like this more often,” Steve whispered as his hand reached out to stroke Tony’s cheek, “then maybe you would listen more and we would argue less. Maybe I would get less frustrated and argumentative too. Or perhaps if we slowed down our pace then I would have more time to think, and I am frightened of that. ” Steve took a deep breath, finding himself unable to stop talking once he had begun, “You want to see the world with me. I understand that. But I am not sure I am ready to see it. Things have changed so much since I woke up in the present day, and the world used to seem so big. I don’t want to see how everything has changed, I don’t want to reconfirm that I do not belong anywhere within it. I miss the old days Tony, I miss them so much.”

Steve bent over the bed and kissed Tony lightly on his forehead, the man still not stirring.

“Sweet dreams, Tony.” He said softly as he finally managed to bring himself to leave, walking away from the sleeping man to clean the lounge before returning to his own bed for sleep to take him.

∞

The bright rays from the sun awoke Steve the next morning, surprised that he had slept so long. Rolling his shoulders back in a stretch he walked into the kitchen to make himself breakfast. To his surprise, Tony Stark was sitting at the kitchen counter. He was nursing a cup of coffee, red tinted sunglasses firmly on his eyes which looked up as Steve entered the room.

“You’re up late.” Tony stated; his voice slightly gravelly.

“You’re up early.” Steve said, grabbing a cereal bar and joining Tony at the counter, “And you never use this kitchen.”

“I ran out of coffee in the penthouse, figured that Clint would have a stash in here somewhere.”

“Uh-huh.” Steve raised his eyebrows, “hangover?”

“Like a bulldozer in my head.”

“Tony, I am so-“

“I am really sorry Steve.” Tony cut the super soldier off with his apology, removing his sunglasses so that he could see the sincerity in his eyes. Steve froze. Tony _never_ apologised, not after arguments. He must have sensed his boyfriend’s shock as he continued, “J.A.R.V.I.S told me what happened last night.”

“Don’t worry about it, really. It could have been much worse as it is you.” Steve said, stretching his mouth into a smile, “I didn’t mean what I said before. About us. You were a jerk but I was one too, so I am sorry.”

“It’s not that.” Tony shook his head, unusual nervousness etched over his features, “J.A.R.V.I.S played me the footage.”

“Footage?”

Tony sighed deeply, rubbing his temples before reaching out to touch Steve’s arm slightly awkwardly.

“You can talk to me Cap y’know. Anytime. Preferably when I am awake to hear it.”

“I didn’t think J.A.R.V.I.S would do that.” Steve said quietly, avoiding eye contact with Tony as he took a bite from his cereal bar.

“I asked him to.” Tony said, trying to keep his voice light, “because I woke up in a much better state than I expected to. The quality of the job had ‘Cap’ written all over it.”

“If I had known you would-“

“Then you wouldn’t have said what you did. I get it. Jesus Steve, you always take care of me, let me do the same for you when you need it.”

Steve lifted his head up and stared at Tony. If he could not see the billionaire with his own eyes he would not believe the words were coming out of his mouth. Tony himself did not seem entirely comfortable with the situation, although it was hidden well underneath an unwavering face.

“It is hard to impossible to approach you,” Steve admitted as Tony grimaced slightly, “I tried and it didn’t end well.”

“That was just a blip.” Tony insisted, “From now on I will try harder. I will listen to you. So I can try to give you what you give me every day. ”

“Tony…”

Steve was speechless.  This was a side to Tony which he had never seen, and by the looks of it, one the billionaire did not know existed either. Unable to find the words to respond Steve reached over and cupped Tony’s stubbly cheeks in his hands, stroking lightly with his fingers before pulling his face in for a deep coffee flavoured kiss. As they broke apart Steve grinned at Tony who flashed a quick smile back.

“I have cleared my schedule for today.” Tony began, standing up from the counter, “So, uh, if you want we can…you can talk to me about everything in the penthouse. Get all comfortable on the sofa and I won’t interrupt you. Too much.”

“Thank you.” Steve smiled, locking his hand in Tony’s “Then we have to arrange the jet and book a hotel in Canada.”

“Canada?”

“For our vacation.” Steve said as he watched Tony’s mouth curl up in a smile, “There is a gallery in Ottawa that seems interesting.”

“Are you sure?” Tony asked although his eyes were shining, “After what you said I feel like I have pressured you into it. I like to always do things consensual.”

“I’m sure. Canada is still in North America after all. It’s a compromise.”

“A compromise, hey.” Tony said, his expression suddenly turning mischievous, “I don’t mind putting Captain America in a compromising situation.”

“Talking first Tony!”  Steve laughed hitting him lightly on the back as they left the kitchen, feeling happiness begin to creep up on him like sunshine on an August afternoon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read this piece, I am so grateful!  
> I will be heading to Japan for 3 weeks, but when I am back I have many ideas for different stories which I can not wait to explore.   
> If you enjoyed this story, please let me know :)


End file.
